blue artichoke

I've discovered the secret to successful bathing suit shopping. It's sort of involved, so pay attention:
First, go to the dentist. Have something done -- root canal, filling, teeth whitening -- the procedure doesn't matter as long as you get nitrous. This is crucial. You'll feel really good. Nothing will bother you, not even when your dentist says, "What am I hitting back there? You don't have a wisdom tooth, do you? No. Huh. Let's try this again."

Immediately after leaving the dentist, go directly to the bathing suit department of a store. Scoop up lots of brightly-colored or dark and slimming suits in various sizes. Go to the dressing room and try them on. Don't dawdle. The nitrous will wear off. But until it does, you'll feel good about yourself. You'll like what you see in the mirror.

That's how I ended up with a hot pink bikini. Of course, getting the bathing suit home and wearing it out in public are two very different matters. My dentist will not be accompanying me to the beach, so I suppose several pina coladas will help me venture out into the public eye.

I bought a bikini last year and never wore it. Turquoise and gold, it is a bit too exotic and draws too much attention for someone unaccustomed to revealing flesh. I think I'm much more likely to wear the pink one. It's bright, and hopefully a bit blinding, so no one can get a really good look at me.

I have about 8 more weeks until I go to Mexico. Eight weeks to find an ab or two. Unfortunately, my January diet doesn't seem to be doing much for weight loss. Three weeks in and I've lost two pounds, despite an enormous overhaul of my diet. I'm perplexed, but will keep with it through the end of the month and maybe find another approach for February.

Getting to Know All About You: Do you have any shopping strategies?