blue artichoke

Someone hates my blog and has tried to thwart its continued existence. But why? Let’s be smart about this… I write mostly about food I cook and eat. Someone may be trying to smack down the Ultimate Snackdown, but why go to such great lengths for a rather sporadic project? No, I think there’s a bigger force at work. Take a look at the last entry I posted before this happened. Corn! Corn is pissed that I called it nature’s welfare queen. Corn has had its ego stroked for so long, being particularly amenable to genetic modification and posing the great hope for feeding famine-stricken and impoverished Africans. Then some small-town punk with an Internet connection (me) comes along and jeers at its odd sex life and highlights its dependence upon human intervention for survival. No one likes to have faults pointed out, especially to a handful of readers scattered about the country, so corn struck back. I live in the Midwest, surrounded by corn plants who were just waiting for a catalyst to band together in a common cause. Ordinarily, corn plants are peaceful, sun-loving guys, but when angered, they band together and release a stream of something, we’ll call it ethanol-radiation until further research defines the power, to interrupt my Internet signal. So refined was the corn ethanol-radiation that it specifically targeted the route my computer takes to connect to the server that hosts this blog. No other Internet traffic was affected. I feel obligated to notify some agricultural scientists at the University. A corn power so sophisticated and intelligent has incredible potential. The most obvious application is in the war on terror – get these corn plants pissed off at terrorists and channel that corn rage to sleeper cells. Interrupting cell phone signals must be much easier than identifying and blocking Internet traffic. It’s certainly cheaper than tapping all our phone lines, not to mention more ethical. Terrorists mock you, corn; they despise your popularity and fear your power. I don't think those taunts are good enough. We'll have to gather a Taunting Taskforce within the Department of Homeland Security to stir shit up between corn and terrorists.

I think I'll surround my house with ears of corn to block out all email spam and shut down telemarketers.

What are some other possibilities for this corn power?

P.S. I’m posting this entry via remote access of my brother’s computer. Corn, I outsmarted you this time.

P.P.S. Corn, I'm sorry, big kiss. (Let’s be friends…)