blue artichoke

New York City recently banned the use of trans fats in restaurants. Trans fatty acids are naturally occurring unsaturated fats found in small quantities in meat and dairy products from ruminant animals. Everyone but vegans and vegetarians know how delicious meat and dairy products are, but why limit our trans fatty food intake to natural sources? Food scientists developed a way to make industrial trans fat, as a byproduct of partial hydrogenation of plant oils. This type of trans fat has no health benefits, and is thought to appreciably raise the levels of bad cholesterol (LDL) and slightly lower the levels of good cholesterol (HDL). We die a little bit inside with every bite of Little Debbie. Trans fat is used in food products to increase shelf life and decrease refrigeration requirement. It is used primarily in fast food, snack food, fried food and commercially baked goods. So, trans fat is bad for you, and so are the products that use trans fat. Instead of banning junk food, legislators in NYC have banned the use of trans fat, in what seems to me a gross overstepping of government bounds. I know that I benefit from many government regulations, like clean water, food labels and a regulated meat packing industry, but I still think these regulations are outside the proper realm of government. Why not just declare a Punch Trans Fat in the Face Day, and allow all New Yorkers to line up in Times Square or Central Park and punch mounds of shortening in the face? It seems just as effective, and less invasive and paternalistic.

I suspect that few people in NYC have been passing on the chicken-finger-and-fries platter because of the trans fat used in the frying oil; now, after the ban, they can crunch fried foods with abandon. No trans fat! Why, it's downright healthy now! While New Yorkers may have a few fewer heart attacks, I predict they'll get fatter. And probably still have lots of heart attacks. Have you ever been to New York City? Just navigating the sidewalks and avoiding distracted and harried moms who jam their baby carriages into your ankles is enough to raise your blood pressure. The only way I can understand how those people avoid hurling baby strollers into traffic is that they bottle up their rage, which increases blood pressure, which increases their chances of having a heart attack. NYC legislators would do more good if they outlawed baby strollers. Anyway, watch out, Chicago. You're next.

What will this mean for kosher Jewish delis and bakeries? Kosher establishments will be hit hardest by this new legislation, as they rely on margarine and shortening to stay on God's good side. This will make for an interesting showdown between religious law and municipal law.

Another piece of legislation, overshadowed a bit by the trans fat ban, requires NYC restaurants to provide caloric information for the food on its menu. This bill is a little bit confusing, because it applies only to restaurants with standardized menus that already provide this information to the public, such as fast food restaurants. From what I understand, many fast food restaurants provide caloric information on their websites or on pamphlets tucked away in dark corners of the bathrooms. Now they must provide this information on their menus. This puzzles me, because most fast-food restaurants don't have menus, but a huge board above the cash registers. That is, unless fast-food chains in NYC are classier than here in the Midwest. This bill is stupid, and will end up harming more than helping. Not only does it discourage restaurants from providing nutritional information, but it punishes those restaurants already making a good-faith effort to provide nutritional information so the consumer can make informed decisions. I suspect that many chains will pull down nutritional information on their websites and remove pamphlets before this legislation takes effect. This law will make us dumber.

In slightly-less politically-charged news, I made what is perhaps the worst gingerbread. This was the third of the Ten Gingerbreads of Christmas, and what little I could scrape off the parchment paper-lined pan tasted pretty good, but looked terrible. It was flat, sunken in the middle, greasy on the bottom and stuck to the parchment paper. I peeled off the bottom half of the gingerbread with the paper. How can something so oily be so sticky? This is the gingerbread to put out for the Grinch. I've got to step up the gingerbread-testing. Only 11 days until Christmas and 7 gingerbreads to go!

Getting to Know All About You: If you could make up any law, what would it be?