blue artichoke

I spent some quality time with the Last Angry Young Man last night. If you haven't checked out the Monkey Chow Diaries, do so now. I'll wait...

Funny stuff, huh? Anyway, the Angry Man's post about people who "know karate" got me to thinking about punching people in the face. Now, I run from confrontation, so all face punching is purely in my mind, but there are some people who I think deserve a good bruising. Topping my list is people who laugh with their shoulders. I've only encountered these people (usually obnoxious men) in the Midwest; the sound comes from their mouth, but their shoulders shrug up and down in time. Pow! Right in the kisser!

I wish I could have punched a regular customer at the ice cream shop in the mall where I worked in high school. He'd order the same thing: a large cup of chocolate frozen yogurt with a middle layer of chopped up Reese's cups. I didn't care about the repetition, but that he would end each order with, "but don't tell your boyfriend!" Why would my boyfriend care what kind of ice cream some fat old man ordered? Pow!

I've been thinking about this all day, and these are the only ones deserving a knuckle sandwich so far. I often want to punch pretension in the face, but Gentleman Caller is pretty good at calling out and ridiculing pretension. Humiliation is a virtual punch in the face and the sting often lasts much longer.

I'll be on alert for others who need to take a punch. You be on the lookout too.

Dinner last night: sushi, from a restaurant

P.S.: Happy Birthday to Gentleman Caller and Fat Larry!

Posted ~2 1/2 hours later:
I thought of a few more deserving punchees. People who try to out-obscure your knowledge. That sort of goes along with the pretension-bashing.

People who wear ribbons or stick them on their car. I acknowledge their interest in causes they find worthy, but do they really need to broadcast it? I'm not suddenly going to become aware of or remember AIDS when I see a red ribbon. And I don't care any less if I don't drape myself in multi-colored ribbons. Some of my friends might fall into this category. Sorry, but I'm going to mind-punch your face.

Unsolicited advisors. If I want advice, I ask.

That's it for now.

Posted the following day:
I went to a party last night and we added a few more, such as pregnant women/mothers who can talk only about their pregnancy or children.

Anise, in particular, and licorice in general, needs to be punched in the face.

People who are content to complain incessantly about their problems without actually doing anything about them.

The check-out clerks at Victoria's Secret during their semi-annual sales.