We Live on the Couch
Slipcovers are a great idea, but are terrible in practice. In marrying Gentleman Caller, I acquired one of the world's most comfortable couches. Problem was the beige/turquoise/peach plaid did not fit our manly brown living room. We registered for a chocolate brown, brushed suede slipcover, which we got by pooling several Target gift cards. Our lives were complete; we had each other and a soft brown cover for our comfortable couch. The slipcover, however, introduced a foreign concept into our happy life: appearances. It looked good only after meticulous tucking, folding and arranging; once sat-upon, it turned into a disheveled mess, sagging in places and riding up in others. Utterly impractical. I attacked it with all sorts of pins, tacks, staples, tubes, weights, threats and pleas. MacGuyver could escape from Guantanamo Bay with all the implements secreted away in our couch. Still, no luck. As any fan of Twin Peaks will remember Nadine's struggles with the loud curtain pulls, I'm searching for a slipcover remedy. I fear there is none, short of reupholstering the couch. There is no escaping destiny. In high school, I took a personality survey that told me that I was best suited to enter a career in upholstery. Though I have difficulty following a pattern for pajama pants, I'm confident I'll soon be sewing covers for my printer, pickle jars and weight bench.
Dinner last night: eggs goldenrod, garlic-butter broccoli
Dinner tonight: spinach and black bean lasagna, salad
Comments
As the other couch occupant, I must say that I spend virtually no time fiddling with its appearance. Perhaps that's because it is so meticulously prepared while I'm away.
Nadine: "By god those curtains will be quiet now."
Artichoke: "By god that slip cover will be perfectly creased now."
Posted by: Green Mango Custard (a.k.a. Gentleman Caller) | May 24, 2006 03:46 PM
It's probably black&white tuna-flavoured crunchy bits (i.e. your cat) that plays Communist Insurgency while you're out each day, destroying whatever it was that you did to ensure the slip cover did as it was instructed.
What are eggs goldenrod? I've never heard of such a thing.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 24, 2006 03:56 PM
It could very well be the cat, but only if terrorists are hiding out in the couch. That's a distinct possibility. They probably can find within the recesses of the couch all the necessary implements for building WMD. My cat heads up the office of Houseland Security, and takes his job very seriously. If he suspected terrorists of hiding out in the couch (or in my closet, which is where he is patrolling now), neither tucks nor tacks would stall his investigation. Good point, Anonymous.
And as for eggs goldenrod, I don't know where the recipe came from. My mom made it a lot when I was a kid. It is chopped up hard-boiled egg whites stirred into a cream sauce and served over toast and garnished with the hard yolks. Pretty easy, and tasty too!
Posted by: blue artichoke | May 24, 2006 09:26 PM
That cat is the most brave and vigilant cat in America. Lee Greenwood should write a song about him. Re. the slipcover: I saw a home decorating show once where they stuck wooden spoons in the creases to keep the cover in place.
Posted by: black cake | May 25, 2006 03:33 PM
I do'nt know why it called me Anonymous... I have it set to save my personal info. 'Twas I, Red Momo.
I'm glad Black&White Crunchy Bits takes the job of Houseland Security so seriously.
I took today off because my abode is filthy. Tomorrow we're having a potluck at work and the theme is "picnic," so I'm also currently cooking 6 lbs worth of pork for barbecue. I also made a cheesecake, because I felt like it. Yum!!!!!!!
Posted by: Red Momo | May 25, 2006 03:34 PM