Lazyface
Things I learned at the dentist:
1) I am a drooler. The dentist had to take an impression of my teeth to fit me for a crown (that tooth will be King and Supreme Ruler of my mouth) and while the trays were in my mouth, I drooled buckets. My bib was soaking wet and drool slipped underneath the bib and ran down my chest. And that was just on the first tray. I challenge anyone to a drool-off.
2) I have a lazy ligament in my jaw. Ol' Lazyface. I told my dentist that my jaw had been crackling and popping for about a month. Nothing painful, but I wanted to see what he thought of it. He ran me through some rather awkward jaw exercises and determined that I have a lazy ligament that doesn't return my jaw back to its proper position. Neat! Nothing can be done until it gets worse.
3) Cookies make friends. During the Chocolate Chip Cookie Snackdown, I took a batch or two to my dentist and his staff. That's what they remember about me, and whisper loving things about the cookies into my ear as they clean my teeth and drill around in my mouth. I'll take a batch of the winning cookie when I return on Monday for part one of crowning the Supreme Ruler of Teeth. I want to make sure my dentist and his staff are on my side, just in case it should ever come to war between humans and their teeth.
Dinner last night: polish kielbasa; broccoli & cauliflower gratin
Dinner tonight: some fancy get-together at Gentleman Caller's boss's house
Oh yeah, and I made another batch of banana bread:
Banana Bread #9, Banana Orange Bread
Recipe source unknown. This bread has no fat; it uses orange juice concentrate in place of oil or butter. This makes it really dry. It also uses both baking powder and baking soda (just soda is usual). And calls for raisins and pumpkin pie spice. There are just too many things going on, too many flavors, and though there are two bananas in the loaf, you can't taste them at all. It tastes spicy, bitter-orangy and sweet-raisiny. And it looks weird too. The top crust is smooth, hard and shiny, like some sort of baked exoskeleton. Not appealing. This is the worst recipe so far.
Comments
Re: dentists and cookies --I find the reaction of the office staff to your cookie gift ...curious. My dentist keeps a big poster on the wall of the examining room, so you have no choice but to look at it when you're in his chair. It charts the sugar and acid content of many yummy and commonly-eaten foods, with helpful infographics on the likely effects of such foods on tooth enamel. It's really graphic, like the pictures of aborted fetuses that pro-lifers display on placards at public fairs.
I bet people who work in dentists' offices are secretly obsessed with sugar and acid. I mean, wouldn't you expect them to chastise you for bringing them cookies? Wouldn't you expect them to decline politely and continue munching on their celery sticks? At least while their boss was around, or his secret anti-sugar surveillance cameras were watching? I'm surprised they were so willing to expose their true feelings to you. Brave, brave hygienists.
On the other hand, of all people, dentists should be the first to ENCOURAGE sugar and acid, as their livelihood more or less depends on our continued addiction to them. Maybe it's all just a big reverse-psychology scheme they have going on, making us feel like we're flaunting authority and rebelling against the dentist-Man when we go for the twinkies. more tooth decay --> more dentist time --> more dentist income --> more posters --> more sugar --> more tooth decay ... a vicious cycle, no?
Posted by: red meat | April 8, 2006 07:09 AM
I think my dentist encourages a healthy dose of vice, be it sugar or laughing gas. There are no scary pictures of rotting teeth, only pictures drawn by kids and animal calendars (April = baby elephant). He has cautioned me against eating bagels, Jolly Ranchers and Bit O' Honey, the true villains of healthy teeth.
Posted by: blue artichoke | April 10, 2006 12:43 PM