blue artichoke

In college, I knew a guy who made everyone else feel awkward. He was oblivious, I think, but he had a kind of intensity that made other people uncomfortable. I didn't mind, though, because I'm quite comfortable with awkwardness. I'm an introvert, so I feel awkward almost any time I'm around strangers, especially if I'm expected to make small talk. Sometimes I do OK. Sometimes I freak out and say strange things. Usually I act; I try to put on a persona that is comfortable with chitchat. Alcohol helps. The real problem arises when I'm suddenly thrust into a situation without adequate time to prepare my role. Such as the stop-and-chat. I ran into a friend of a friend at the grocery store, recognized him as I was passing, said, "hey" and kept going. He said more than "hi." I was already past, what do I do? I saw him later when out for drinks with friends and he said that our encounter was actually the least awkward part of his week. Again, I encountered the stop-and-chat yesterday, walking to the post office. I was wearing earphones that are like earplugs that play music. They block out all outside sound. I saw a guy walking toward me and recognized him as someone a neighbor brought to one of my parties. I had talked to him at the party, but that was months ago. He's more than a stranger, but less than an acquaintance. Do I stop to chat, or nod an acknowledgement and keep going? I chose the latter, but I saw him say something as he drew even with me. I couldn't hear him; stopping would be weird and ignoring him would be rude. I was rude, and just kept going. Ack! No wonder people think I'm unfriendly. I don't hate people; I'm just scared of talking to them.

I've heard that a good way for introverts to deal with small talk is to ask questions to keep the focus on the other person. That sounds good in theory, but what sort of questions? I don't like to talk about politics unless I'm feeling spiteful and don't care about sports (other than MMA, of course), and the standard questions ("what do you do?" or "where are you from?") are reciprocal and will soon be asked of me. I think a better social skill might be how to tactfully end a conversation. "I have diarrhea" or "I've grown tired of your company" will work, but aren't very tactful. Or maybe I should just act like my college friend and make everyone else feel awkward. Take that, extroverts!